PEOPLE FIRST

ANOTHER HIATUS BUT HERE I AM

A few months ago, my mother moved in with me. She is 85, lovely still for her age, but took a nasty fall causing her to shatter her arm and shoulder. My house is new, happens to have an elevator, so her living with me was a no-brainer. And although the first few days she tried to let my three cats out of the house--for good--now she enjoys their company, and confides in me that they listen to her when she talks to them. Rose: the cat whisperer.

She has mended well.

Of course, my lifestyle had to change. But I have dealt with it, and it no longer is as anxiety filled as it initially was. She loves to clean and cook. She watches the news obsessively, and reads four papers a day. On Sundays we watch CELEBRITY APPRENTICE together, as I listen to her calling all of the loudmouths a disgrace; and daily, she puts out water and treats for the kitties, and even calls me at work when she thinks they have taken ill: "You better take Blu to the vet--she is sick; I can tell."

Speaking lesson:

We communicate to human beings and we must reach them at a very humane level. Amidst all the facts and fuss of a presentation, and while we bring audiences together at new venues where we share time together, we must let the audience know, each and every one of them, that we care about them as human beings, we care about them as learners, and in every way we want them to not only enjoy our talk but also to feel comfortable in our presence for every second we are up there.

There: I let the cat out of the bag. Welcome them with open arms, minds, and hearts, and they will open up to you and what you offer as well.

CARNAGE

This film, based on the Broadway hit play, THE GOD OF CARNAGE,  makes a few bloody points: civility is dead, passive aggressiveness rules, and love is a fancy word for loathing.

Two couples get together to discuss a fight that took place between their respective sons. And while the immediate goals are empathy and reconciliation, anger outs itself in viciously hilarious ways.

The claustrophobic film shocks you and makes you howl, hopefully by not holding the mirror up to nature.

Speech-wise, however, one point is clear: getting the last word in is not a tactic that insures peaceful resolution of conflict.

And that is what happens again and again. And when it does, calm is lost and the storm becomes more tumultuous.

Either lay everything on the table at the start, or accept the fact that compromise is just that--relenting a little. Throwing something in another's face after a settlement is counterproductive.

ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR WATSON.

I love these films.

On the way out of fmills amc movie theatre, i noticed that my car lights were flickering, and then. . .  i saw a family. . .get into my Sonata. Thank God I realized, as I was about to stop them, that their car,  which was identical to mine, was actually next to mine. This led to a funny exchange, then to an admission of our mutual admiration of the film, and to their suggestion that I see the new BBC Sherlock. 

What I love about this flick is the witty repartee, the understated acting during even the wildest of moments. And I adore the metatheatricality. Being able to act out a vision is an awesome literary technique--the calculated self-conscious act of acting. Some see this as a high tech take on Holmes that undermines its integrity; I see it as a copacetic union of brainy forethought and brawn.

I already have found a link to the Brit version: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00999wm

I can't wait to see it.

There are a few speech lessons to be learned from this film. The main one is this. Maintain your cool under pressure. Class goes a long way.

When things go awry mid-speech, more than anything you need your alertness to pull you through it. You can't break down, cry, cuss, or storm out the door. Instead, you need to think, in an instant, "how do I fix this" and  "how do I make it look easy?"

A second lesson involves humor. Acknowledging an error with a simple (maybe self effacing) witticism generally provides not only a way out of the bind, one the the audience will appreciate, but also gives you a few seconds for the strategic part of our brain to regroup and to get back on track. 

SCHADENFREUDE

NICKY:
Ooh, how about...
Straight-A students getting Bs?

GARY COLEMAN:
Exes getting STDs!

NICKY:
Waking doormen from their naps!

GARY COLEMAN:
Watching tourists reading maps!

NICKY:
Football players getting tackled!

GARY COLEMAN:
CEOs getting shackled!

NICKY:
Watching actors never reach

GARY AND NICKY:
The ending of their oscar speech!
Schadenfreude!


SCHADENFREUDE is one of the more popular songs in the musical AVENUE Q.  German in origin, the word defines the relief people feel when bad luck or misfortune clobbers someone ELSE. In one sense, it is natural to feel relief if you are the not the one on the fatal flight. But on the other hand, it is not cool--in fact it's sick and cruel--to take pleasure in another's pain.


Why does schadenfreude give some of us a rush? Well, let's get hypothetical.
Jody is unhappy--he drinks, he smokes and that's about it. He is envious of his colleague Jeff who has a loving family, drives a fancy car, and vacations in Europe twice a year.  


When Jeff is audited by the IRS, Jody lights up like a Christmas tree, delighting in what might be Jeff's demise. And furthermore, Jody makes sure that everyone in the building knows how miserable Jeff is going to be.


So what's really going on here. I think it's clear. Jody needs Jeff's bloody misfortune to sustain himself--he is the leech who survives by sucking the life out of its victim. But the blood he drinks is bad--it doesn't make Jody's life better, it doesn't make him happier, it doesn't lead to any fulfillment.


Most ignore the schadenfreudics of the world. And that is okay if you literally turn away when they gossip about crap that happens to someone else. Let them instantly know that you will give them no heed. But if you just remain silent, they will continue their sad show, hurt people whose lives are none of their business, and ensnare you in their gossipy web. 


So, throw a few questions out: what about that makes you happy? what makes you want to make matters worse? why are you spending your time and my time obsessing about something like that? and why don't you spend quality time lifting someone hurting up--this might make you feel better as well.


Do you know any gossipy schadenfreudics?

SILENCE IS GOLDEN

The film, THE ARTIST, pays homage to the golden age of silent film. And this film, except in a few well chosen places, is devoid of spoken words.

It depicts the booming career of a silent film star whose flicks kill at the box office, until a pretty new ingenue, one whose career he unintentionally launches, inches him out of the picture with a new talkie.

But it is not just about that. It's about commitment to principles and to people and to one's own art.

Most amazing is the fact that the audience sat spellbound, laughing, cheering, even crying, at events that went without words, proving that the face and the body can communicate beautifully.

Often, when we are asked to speak, our bodies freeze, and we lose the natural connection nd congruity between emotion/thought, words, and physical expressiveness.

Here is some advice for those who experience "the freeZe."

First, look into a mirror , deliver your text in your mind, and make your face act out, in an exaggerated way, every word, every phrase.

Second, tap into your breath. If asked to breathe mad, you will not only be able to do that instantly but your face and body will show evidence of the angry emotion, amaking any word you say sound "mangy." Smile.

The same is true for all the emotions. Breathe sad, and your body and face will show sadness. Breathe glad, and your physical self will exude buoyancy. And so on.

So, take your script. Write the emotions you need to feel next to certain lines and paragraphs. Then breathe the emotions. Take time doing so. Then add the words. In this way your body will be totally expressive, in sync with the words and the emotiOns.

Third, try to communicate with your face in the silences. After a pause, look at the audience with your face showing the emotion you what them to feel. And bounce your eye contact from one to a few people so that the whole audience can see what you are feeling, evidenced by your facial expression.

More about this later.

But see THE ARTIST. My theatre audience gave it a resounding ovation both times I saw it.

Silence is golden

Merry Xmas
I just saw the silent film THE ARTIST, a wonderful entry that pays homage to a bygone era. More about speech lessons to be gleaned from it tomorrOw . I dOn't want to upstage Santa ;)

TIS THE SEASON TO INDULGE--UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH, UGH UGH UGH UGH

OK--i am not to eat very spicy food
OK--i am not to eat overly bulky, hard-to-digest food
OK--i am not to eat a lot at one sitting
SO--what did i do

YOU GOT IT.

But the stomach cramps are making me forget about my knee pain.
Ba dum bun.

When we write speeches, we need to realize certain truths
--many don't like over-written texts that are too spiced up: too ornate, too metaphoric, too silly
--many don't like paragraphs that are bulky or sentences that are too complex to follow easily
--many do not like long self indulgent speeches


You see, it is all about simply phrased simple messages that audiences can digest at one sitting, and leave feeling simply and happily satisfied, not bloated, not burned-

FALALALALA

This eve I saw a fun and funky review, a xmas parody/burlesque, consisting of scenes that, initially, involved sexy and scantily clad performers putting clothes...back on!

The counter-intuitive choice was brilliant and it can teach us all lessons.

The downright unexpected can be the upbeat switch that can keep your audience alive--thinking, awake, and oh-so curious.

Take a contrary stance, concede the ornery part of it, and make the audience see another point of view.

MY WEEK WITH MARILYN--MY TAKE ON THE FLICK

I'M BACK.
And I just saw MY WEEK WITH MARILYN, a film that grew on me, as did Michelle Williams' performance of the icon herself.

Seeing how Marilyn was so dependent on her schoolmarm-y acting coach, I was inspired to say a few words.

True--when you speak/act, often it is best, if you have stage fright, to pretend that the audience is a set of your most supportive friends and that your performance is actually the hobby that brings a smile to your face. That is what Marilyn was told to do a few times as she was struggling against many odds to remember and be comfortable with her lines.

True--what Olivier keeps on insisting is accurate: it's just acting. Just pretend.

True: finally what Marilyn learns is that by being true to her self--heck by just being herself--she can shine.

Take a pick as to which tip or what combo works for you.

PS: Eventually, Ms Williams' Marilyn became Marilyn---for me anyway; my eyes watered at her vulnerability, her charm; at whatever it was that makes her, to this day, so memorable.

No gorging

I am home, I'll from gorging. Okay, it's not a pleasant subject, but diverticulitis is not a pleasant ailment. Trust me.

This condition reemerges when 1)I eat too quickly, and therefore not realizing how much I have put down; 2) I eat too much at one sitting; 3 I eat too much of the wrong thing.

Speech lesson to be learned? You bet.

First, do not rush to the finish; you need time to gauge audience reaction and they need time to process what you are saying.

Second, do not cover too much material in one speech. Talk about something specific;limit your thesis.

Third, do not overkill. Too many stats will boggle the mind; too many jokes will cheapen your intent, and undermine your ethos; too many pauses will put the audience to sleep.

More on this at another time. I am on a liquid diet for two weeks, and my tummy is calling for beef broth.

Go with the flow

In 2013, in Philadelphia, we will be hosting the cfl national championships in speech and debate. To do this, we need to find 400 classrooms that can host the competition and a few thousand hotel rooms to lodge our guests,

We have the hotels: the cc marriots, the Sheraton, and the embassy suites. The rooms have been hard to find.

Today, we visited temple university, an area of the city that one member of our committee wanted to avoid. But once I set foot on campus, I knew this was then place to be. The area had energy. The buildings were new and impressive. The reps we met were vibrant, and eager to have us.

I can see temple finding us at least 200 rooms, a number that would put our search to an end.

See, it is best to set aside prejudgements---all they do is keep you from forging ahead. Explore territories, new ones and forgotten ones.

DINNER AT THE DAHLGRENS

I just had dinner at the Dahlgren household--a thank you feast for 4 years of working with their amazingly talented son in forensics.

First, we had finger food appetizers: i can't tell you how many pieces of stuffed olives, pepperoni, cheese, hot peppers, veggies I put down.

Then came the salads, and the steak, and the shrimp, and the veggies.

The came dessert: decadent brownies, fruit pizza (to die for) and naked chocolate from my favorite place on walnut street, between 12th and 13th in cc Philly.

I have two questions:  What exactly did I eat? And how much did I consume of each?

Answers: I am not sure and I am not sure.

What speech lesson do we glean from this?

First, every speech has a beginning, a middle, and an end. If you overplay the introduction (the appetizers), the audience may not be able to--or want to--consume the body (the entrée.)  And if you offer too much of one thing (too much humor, too many puns, too many stats) the audience may develop a distaste for what you are offering or may feel intellectually bloated by it.

So plan your speaking menu wisely.

THE COMEBACK

One of my more recent favorite films is  THE WRESTLER, in which the comeback kid, Mickey Rourke plays a comeback ring veteran, who got over the fact that he thought he was a has been, and rebuilt himself from the inside out to rise to the top.

The film is more complicated than I make it, but one moral is clear: never count yourself out.

Recently, I witnessed a young gal go blank for 30 seconds, while speaking to an audience of several thousand. She stood there, poised, until she regained her train of thought. Then she continued, seemingly unfazed by the lapse, and later admitted how she couldn't wait to seize the stage again.

This gal had chutzpah. This gal did not let a downer get her down.

This gal knew that the audience was behind her, feeling her pain perhaps even moreso than she. And she felt their relief and support when she regained her footing.

Remember--keep on keeping on.

YOU THINK I'M FUNNY?

HUMOR ME...

in speechmaking, do use humor, to break up the seriousness (maybe,) but don't be offensive.

Witticisms are fine; sarcastic comments at the expense of another are not. Comments that continually show that you are clever, may make you seem arrogant, hifalutin, alienating you from the listeners. Foul humor is an instant deal-breaker; speaking situations should edify and ennoble, not mortify.

ughhhh

No voice and a raw throat make for a sick Tony and a bad speaking situation.
Lemon. salt. zinc. elderberry. eucalyptus. tea tree oil.
The end.

SEIZING THE STAGE--STRUTTING WITH STYLE

For a few days, I'm in Stanford, California, bringing an experienced eye to a speech camp, suggesting alterations and assisting any way I can.

I haven't been to these parts in 20 years--and the hot days and cool nights are rather refreshing.

Last evening we were teaching our protégées how to walk up to the front of the room with style, confidence, and panache.

A few rules:

1. Sit straight in your chair, without fidgeting with anything. Look ready.
2. Rise slowly, taking the king's or queen's time.
3. Walk up confidently, carriage erect, always looking up, face smiling.
4. As you reach the front side of the room, begin to turn o the audience, smiling at them all the way until you get to the podium or center space.
5. Pause. Take in the audience. Smile with great control.
BEGIN.

The corresponding don't do rules:

1. Don't allow the audience to see you sit slouched or fidgeting.
2. Don't dart out of your chair.
3. Don't look a the floor and don't slouch as you walk up.
4. Don't have a worried or blank look as you walk.
5. Don't dart right to the center, showing the audience too much if your back.


LITTLE THINGS COUNT. AND HOW YOU CARRY YOURSELF TO THE STAGE INSTANTLY DETERMINES HOW THE AUDIENCE PERCEIVES YOU: CONFIDENT OR NOT; HAPP TO BE SHARING OR NOT.

SSSNO TO SSSNARKINESS

"SNARKY: sarcastic, impertinent, or irreverent in tone or manner (mw dictionary)

Recently I had the misfortune of hearing a presentation that was riddled--and ruined--by off color statements and condescending jokes. The result? In the formal setting, the audience became uncomfortable, offended, outraged--take your pick.

Your speaking occasion should always dignify the audience--treating them as people unaccustomed to and offended by trash talk of any kind.

Your speaking occasion is not about your proving to the audience that you are a superior schmartazz, a supercilious punster. You are there to insure that the audience receives your message simply and beautifully.

DESPICABLE ME

Well-made cartoon features, these days, seem to be the reason to catch a film. DESPICABLE ME is a must see for any age.

Gru, second class villain, outdistanced by a computer nerd who stole a pyramid., wants to put the moon in his pocket, first by shrinking it with a weapon he pilfered from a foreign nation, and then by bringing it home for safe keeping,

But when his nemesis, a computer geek named Vector, steals the shrink gun from him, Gru adopts cookie selling orphaned girls to help him get it back.

See the film to figure out the ploy and to see what comes next. Also see the film because of its many winning attributes, especially its themes: that even a villain has a heart and that our children, or underlings, believe in you even if you don't believe in yourself.

You see a speech lesson coming, don't you?

The Gru in you who feels that he is only meant to be awful, needs to step aside. You can be a great speaker if you believe in yourself and if you just try, try, try. Look at mishaps along the way as stepping stones to greatness. Learning the wrong way of doing things amounts to a great education.

Your audience wants you to succeed, in the same way that the Gru's adoptees want him to be a good Daddy, one who will make it to their ballet recital. Audience's know how it feels to be up there--they have great commiseration with someone who stands in front of a crowd. So they are your friends who are cheering you on.

And as I said in a distant post, seeing each person in the audience as a child thirsting for knowledge and affection will bring out the dad in you who wants to allay heir fears.

THE HOUSEWIVES OF FRANKLIN MILLS MALL

A long line of mostly women kept me company as i drove out of Franklin Mills Mall. I thought that a fire or an emergency alarm might have landed these people by the curb, especially in the hot sun. But no. It wasn't an act of fate but a force of nature that lured the hoards: it was Betheny Frankel, Bravo's new star of the "Housewives" and the new "Betheny Getting Married."

She was selling a skinny girl drink mix at the State Store (philly for booze palace) and I don't think a sudden thunder shower would have scattered the crowd.

Okay, I caught the show a few times, and I developed a great sympathy for her very patient husband. But the one thing that can be said about Betheny is this: she is not afraid to speak her mind. And it is precisely this that got her her own show, independent of the other ladies.

So, let's just focus on this--not perhaps her need to say less or to engage is some self editing before the words fly.

This gal speaks. She has passion for her thoughts. And she wants people to hear her. To get her.

Have some of her gumption, love to share your thoughts, and you are well on your way to engage an audience--or in her case to make millions tune in to her every week.

But, self editing is also needed. And this is for another time.

i'm back...

After a long hiatus, I am back--with lots to say.

Yesterday, I attended a first person arts show at the upenn rotunda. My friend Paula and I cooled off by sitting directly in front of the window fan.

The performers? Well, some read not too well what they beautifully wrote. So, a tip to those who need to read a little more than they should.

Remember, the script is a person's face--it is another audience member. When you read, don't go blank. Look at the text passionately, using facial expression as your eyes pick up the words. Always end a line looking up, so that the punches of the punch lines are felt.

Also, try not to drop your whole head--just drop your eyes to the text so that we can still see much of your face. It never fails hat those with bangs or straggly hair drop their entire heads to read, preventing the audience to see he face, let alone facial expression and eye expression.

More on this later.