PEOPLE FIRST

ANOTHER HIATUS BUT HERE I AM

A few months ago, my mother moved in with me. She is 85, lovely still for her age, but took a nasty fall causing her to shatter her arm and shoulder. My house is new, happens to have an elevator, so her living with me was a no-brainer. And although the first few days she tried to let my three cats out of the house--for good--now she enjoys their company, and confides in me that they listen to her when she talks to them. Rose: the cat whisperer.

She has mended well.

Of course, my lifestyle had to change. But I have dealt with it, and it no longer is as anxiety filled as it initially was. She loves to clean and cook. She watches the news obsessively, and reads four papers a day. On Sundays we watch CELEBRITY APPRENTICE together, as I listen to her calling all of the loudmouths a disgrace; and daily, she puts out water and treats for the kitties, and even calls me at work when she thinks they have taken ill: "You better take Blu to the vet--she is sick; I can tell."

Speaking lesson:

We communicate to human beings and we must reach them at a very humane level. Amidst all the facts and fuss of a presentation, and while we bring audiences together at new venues where we share time together, we must let the audience know, each and every one of them, that we care about them as human beings, we care about them as learners, and in every way we want them to not only enjoy our talk but also to feel comfortable in our presence for every second we are up there.

There: I let the cat out of the bag. Welcome them with open arms, minds, and hearts, and they will open up to you and what you offer as well.

CARNAGE

This film, based on the Broadway hit play, THE GOD OF CARNAGE,  makes a few bloody points: civility is dead, passive aggressiveness rules, and love is a fancy word for loathing.

Two couples get together to discuss a fight that took place between their respective sons. And while the immediate goals are empathy and reconciliation, anger outs itself in viciously hilarious ways.

The claustrophobic film shocks you and makes you howl, hopefully by not holding the mirror up to nature.

Speech-wise, however, one point is clear: getting the last word in is not a tactic that insures peaceful resolution of conflict.

And that is what happens again and again. And when it does, calm is lost and the storm becomes more tumultuous.

Either lay everything on the table at the start, or accept the fact that compromise is just that--relenting a little. Throwing something in another's face after a settlement is counterproductive.

ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR WATSON.

I love these films.

On the way out of fmills amc movie theatre, i noticed that my car lights were flickering, and then. . .  i saw a family. . .get into my Sonata. Thank God I realized, as I was about to stop them, that their car,  which was identical to mine, was actually next to mine. This led to a funny exchange, then to an admission of our mutual admiration of the film, and to their suggestion that I see the new BBC Sherlock. 

What I love about this flick is the witty repartee, the understated acting during even the wildest of moments. And I adore the metatheatricality. Being able to act out a vision is an awesome literary technique--the calculated self-conscious act of acting. Some see this as a high tech take on Holmes that undermines its integrity; I see it as a copacetic union of brainy forethought and brawn.

I already have found a link to the Brit version: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00999wm

I can't wait to see it.

There are a few speech lessons to be learned from this film. The main one is this. Maintain your cool under pressure. Class goes a long way.

When things go awry mid-speech, more than anything you need your alertness to pull you through it. You can't break down, cry, cuss, or storm out the door. Instead, you need to think, in an instant, "how do I fix this" and  "how do I make it look easy?"

A second lesson involves humor. Acknowledging an error with a simple (maybe self effacing) witticism generally provides not only a way out of the bind, one the the audience will appreciate, but also gives you a few seconds for the strategic part of our brain to regroup and to get back on track. 

SCHADENFREUDE

NICKY:
Ooh, how about...
Straight-A students getting Bs?

GARY COLEMAN:
Exes getting STDs!

NICKY:
Waking doormen from their naps!

GARY COLEMAN:
Watching tourists reading maps!

NICKY:
Football players getting tackled!

GARY COLEMAN:
CEOs getting shackled!

NICKY:
Watching actors never reach

GARY AND NICKY:
The ending of their oscar speech!
Schadenfreude!


SCHADENFREUDE is one of the more popular songs in the musical AVENUE Q.  German in origin, the word defines the relief people feel when bad luck or misfortune clobbers someone ELSE. In one sense, it is natural to feel relief if you are the not the one on the fatal flight. But on the other hand, it is not cool--in fact it's sick and cruel--to take pleasure in another's pain.


Why does schadenfreude give some of us a rush? Well, let's get hypothetical.
Jody is unhappy--he drinks, he smokes and that's about it. He is envious of his colleague Jeff who has a loving family, drives a fancy car, and vacations in Europe twice a year.  


When Jeff is audited by the IRS, Jody lights up like a Christmas tree, delighting in what might be Jeff's demise. And furthermore, Jody makes sure that everyone in the building knows how miserable Jeff is going to be.


So what's really going on here. I think it's clear. Jody needs Jeff's bloody misfortune to sustain himself--he is the leech who survives by sucking the life out of its victim. But the blood he drinks is bad--it doesn't make Jody's life better, it doesn't make him happier, it doesn't lead to any fulfillment.


Most ignore the schadenfreudics of the world. And that is okay if you literally turn away when they gossip about crap that happens to someone else. Let them instantly know that you will give them no heed. But if you just remain silent, they will continue their sad show, hurt people whose lives are none of their business, and ensnare you in their gossipy web. 


So, throw a few questions out: what about that makes you happy? what makes you want to make matters worse? why are you spending your time and my time obsessing about something like that? and why don't you spend quality time lifting someone hurting up--this might make you feel better as well.


Do you know any gossipy schadenfreudics?